June 4, 2014 and just when I thought I had decided what to do regarding.........

the type and dosage of pain medication to give Chief, I discovered that for the most part I will need to assess his 'comfort needs' daily rather than administering the same med at the same dosage every day. At times it is quite evident to see through observation that he is in discomfort while at other times his being 'uncomfortable' is more subtle but nonetheless 'present' and therefore needing to be addressed. It is quite surreal while within several hours I have the distinct pleasure and joy then followed by sadness, of seeing Chief as strong, confident and no signs of sedateness to Chief who I can only describe as 'walking and acting' as if he is in great discomfort, very old and yes, 'out of it'. Not sedate mind you, but just 'somewhere else'. Since my last entry I have had a 'host' of thoughts, and feelings about all the work that is connected with 'properly and sensitively' caring for him along with other entities in our home needing my 'patience and attention'. While Susie doesn't have complex issues similar to Chief, she does have three that require my attentiveness to becoming aware and learn ways to help meet her present needs. The first issue involves issues pertaining to her 'urine flow'. For some reason if I don't get her outside within 15 minutes after she eats, even if she has urinated prior to eating, she will have an accident. Seems to only happen after meals. Accident may not be the correct term, since it is more like some just flows out of her while she is napping after she has eaten. Second issue is her hind legs and hips which I am noticing as being different (somewhat rigid) when she moves especially after playing Frisbee with me. The third issue is that she no longer has Chief as a playmate.....at all. While I make sure that they have little opportunity to play in a manner in which Chief will suffer pain wise after; Chief himself retreats and distances from her when she is headstrong on playing. I have tried on numerous occasions to have them together outside but in such a fashion so that they do not play together. This has needed to stop since it always ends up with both of them trying to play with each other, Chief of course jumping up and jumping back which of course causes him great discomfort later in the day. The host of emotions and thoughts I have experienced are similar to anyone finding themselves in a situation that they 'never' thought possible and would not have 'chosen' to have this be a part of their life. What do I want? Since my husband just had his 90th birthday and he is the 'music to which I have danced with life, and loving every moment of it' I desire to be with him and for him . He is my priority. He is the person whom I would gladly give my life if called upon to do so. I never had any intention this period of our lives to share him and meet his needs with Chief, Susie, Cassandra, Margaret and Breezette. Any person who has been confronted by needing and wanting to meet needs of multiple entities whom they love will understand what I am now talking about.  It is an ongoing process. An on-going process of 'living' and of learning what 'love' is all about. So one day I experience great resentment of the animals because I feel that they are preventing me from being with and for my husband as much as I wish to be. The next day rather than resenting the animals I somehow am 'more attuned' to the needs of the animals. That somehow through the 'ordeal' of feeling resentment I re-discover each animal's unique value resulting in a more fervent resolve,  to 'strive' toward providing each living entity in our household with the experience of a high quality of life, a happy and meaningful life. If you know anyone who is experiencing a multitude of tasks and issues such as the ones I am describing and you have the inclination and time, reach out to let them know that they are not alone in their 'struggles' and that whatever they are confronting that it can be understood and effectively handled by them in such a fashion that enables them to feel 'good' about themselves and their efforts at striving to do the very best that they can for all concerned. As a counselor who strives to understand and assist all those who come to me, through my own experiences of 'living my life' I can with great confidence state that while over the years I have genuinely 'sympathized' with people I now am much more capable of 'empathizing' with them.