About three weeks since last update on Chief

I think--think, mind you that I have the right medicine combination in order to keep him 'comfortable'. His days are much different than before 'arthritis' let itself be known. He and I don't run as we used to, but rather walk. At times I will pick up the pace using a treat to get him to 'exercise safely'. If he had his way he would lay around most of the day because number one he realizes that he can't play with Susie any
longer and two that it feels 'better' not to run. As I think of him turning 3yrs old in July I have difficulty comprehending all that he has been through medically; or let me rephrase this--what all of us have been through along with him. I still fill up thinking about the days he ran and ran and ran. He reminded me of a Stallion back them and when he and Susie played it was indeed a 'ballet of wonder'! I had so many things I was going to have him participate. Activities that will never come to fruition primarily due to his medical challenges that is his urine issue having been re-routed so to speak due to a stone lodged and tear in his bladder and his arthritis and chronic degenerative joint disease. While he and I continue to 'struggle' with pulling issues notwithstanding the amount of work and training I have done with him to decrease this I continue to be in 'awe' of him. He is and continues to be a 'gentle spirit' and a most 'loving dog'. I often refer to Chief as 'an old, wise soul'. Rather than focus on the dreams and expectations both he and I had in terms of 'working together' (having fun with each other) I focus on what I believe to be a tremendous opportunity. An opportunity that allows us to get to know each other by the way we 'are' with each other throughout each day rather than what is 'objectively measured' in terms of what is 'done'. There are moments when I experience the energetic, pain free Chief of yesterday. As I watch him ever so 'gracefully' glide through the air at a fast pace I am reminded at how fleeting life is at any given moment and am grateful for this time together regardless of his condition.

Eventually I would like to begin an 'on-line forum' for animal lovers caring for their animal companions. For now in reviewing the options given to me by Blogger I believe that if someone replies by writing a comment I can then respond. So for now this is the manner in which I can communicate for those who are enjoying, living with and caring for their animals. You can also email me at marymarriage.familycounselor@gmail.com and I'll be happy to enter your comment as a post and respond, thus allowing others to read.

Not savvy on lists so this at least is a beginning of trying to help people with issues similar to the challenges I have and am facing with our animals. Although the Blog is entitled Chief and Susie, the posts will definitely include information about cats since we have Breezette, Cassandra and Margaret.

Wishing you all well, strength and peace as you 'live and love' with your animals.

June 4, 2014 and just when I thought I had decided what to do regarding.........

the type and dosage of pain medication to give Chief, I discovered that for the most part I will need to assess his 'comfort needs' daily rather than administering the same med at the same dosage every day. At times it is quite evident to see through observation that he is in discomfort while at other times his being 'uncomfortable' is more subtle but nonetheless 'present' and therefore needing to be addressed. It is quite surreal while within several hours I have the distinct pleasure and joy then followed by sadness, of seeing Chief as strong, confident and no signs of sedateness to Chief who I can only describe as 'walking and acting' as if he is in great discomfort, very old and yes, 'out of it'. Not sedate mind you, but just 'somewhere else'. Since my last entry I have had a 'host' of thoughts, and feelings about all the work that is connected with 'properly and sensitively' caring for him along with other entities in our home needing my 'patience and attention'. While Susie doesn't have complex issues similar to Chief, she does have three that require my attentiveness to becoming aware and learn ways to help meet her present needs. The first issue involves issues pertaining to her 'urine flow'. For some reason if I don't get her outside within 15 minutes after she eats, even if she has urinated prior to eating, she will have an accident. Seems to only happen after meals. Accident may not be the correct term, since it is more like some just flows out of her while she is napping after she has eaten. Second issue is her hind legs and hips which I am noticing as being different (somewhat rigid) when she moves especially after playing Frisbee with me. The third issue is that she no longer has Chief as a playmate.....at all. While I make sure that they have little opportunity to play in a manner in which Chief will suffer pain wise after; Chief himself retreats and distances from her when she is headstrong on playing. I have tried on numerous occasions to have them together outside but in such a fashion so that they do not play together. This has needed to stop since it always ends up with both of them trying to play with each other, Chief of course jumping up and jumping back which of course causes him great discomfort later in the day. The host of emotions and thoughts I have experienced are similar to anyone finding themselves in a situation that they 'never' thought possible and would not have 'chosen' to have this be a part of their life. What do I want? Since my husband just had his 90th birthday and he is the 'music to which I have danced with life, and loving every moment of it' I desire to be with him and for him . He is my priority. He is the person whom I would gladly give my life if called upon to do so. I never had any intention this period of our lives to share him and meet his needs with Chief, Susie, Cassandra, Margaret and Breezette. Any person who has been confronted by needing and wanting to meet needs of multiple entities whom they love will understand what I am now talking about.  It is an ongoing process. An on-going process of 'living' and of learning what 'love' is all about. So one day I experience great resentment of the animals because I feel that they are preventing me from being with and for my husband as much as I wish to be. The next day rather than resenting the animals I somehow am 'more attuned' to the needs of the animals. That somehow through the 'ordeal' of feeling resentment I re-discover each animal's unique value resulting in a more fervent resolve,  to 'strive' toward providing each living entity in our household with the experience of a high quality of life, a happy and meaningful life. If you know anyone who is experiencing a multitude of tasks and issues such as the ones I am describing and you have the inclination and time, reach out to let them know that they are not alone in their 'struggles' and that whatever they are confronting that it can be understood and effectively handled by them in such a fashion that enables them to feel 'good' about themselves and their efforts at striving to do the very best that they can for all concerned. As a counselor who strives to understand and assist all those who come to me, through my own experiences of 'living my life' I can with great confidence state that while over the years I have genuinely 'sympathized' with people I now am much more capable of 'empathizing' with them.

Oh what a difference a day makes; that is if you have the correct medication. Tried one which really didn't have more than several hours carry over effect. Tried another and.......'he's back'; Chief is back. Back to giving kisses, looking at me as if he 'now sees me', more contented and I suspect feeling much less painful. With the new medication comes added concerns, BUT I can monitor these through frequent blood tests and setting up his life so that he doesn't physically injure himself while at the same time allowing for him to get the exercise he needs in order to continue to enjoy a high quality of life. This part is at least in my control.

The following are After New Medication pictures. Can you tell the difference? I certainly can and I'm loving it. It is amazing how the 'world once again becomes a great place to be' when a loved one improves.

Of course I have to share a few pics of Susie.

May 12

As I sat outside this AM surrounded by nature's beauty and a 'faint, cool breeze' I became a little sad watching Chief walk around the yard. When given the opportunity to be in the large fenced in area he spends his time eating grass and on few occasions will run. He never wishes to be far from me, more and more staying at my side or in very close proximity. As I thought about all that has happened over the past several years I realized that I am in a bit of a 'numb' stage in terms of Chief's condition and what he needs from me in order to have a good quality of life. It is quite daunting. In the midst of these thoughts I began to think of the many people in the world who experience what I am going through, but with their own 'children'. As a counselor for many years I accompany people in pain as much as is possible without actually experiencing 'their pain'. Of course having lived for 60 years I too have had my share of 'necessary pain and sorrow'. I say 'necessary' because without experiencing pain and sorrow, one never fully understands and appreciates oneself and others.While 'being with Chief' I thought of the many parents who are confronted by situations in which a change occurs within their child physically, psychologically or both. A change that forever alters the 'lives of all members of the family'. One minute you are elated and happy holding your baby or toddler and then what seems to be a 'very short period of time' you discover that your child is not developing physically and/or cognitively as she/he should be, or parents experience devastation and grief when learning that their child has a disease that is not easily treated such as child or juvenile diabetes or cancer. And as one tries to figure out, 'why', why does the child or in my case dog need to go through all of this and, 'why' do I have to. When is enough, enough? Having not so long ago finished caring for five dogs throughout their sickness and dying processes it seems preposterous that I am once again needing to give a lot of attention and care to the dog, Chief. As I walked Chief on leash at a slow pace within the large enclosure it became more clear to me. What did? Why Chief's life is unfolding as it is and consequently why mine is the way it is at this time. What came to me as I walked with him today was that Chief is a gift. A Gift from God. A gift from a giver who presumed that I will accept the Gift. I am the one who has been 'chosen' to be for Chief in whatever ways I can be in order to ensure that his life is as 'good as it can be'. While this realization to others might seem 'mundane' and 'matter of fact' it was not and is not to me. It is something I realized today that I have to be able to say, 'yes' to ; to commit to each and every day. Is it and will it ever be 'easy'? No, however, choosing to do this and motivated by the fact that I love, respect and admire Chief will get me through the tough times. The other huge piece to being able to 'accept gracefully what has been given to me as 'gift' from the giver of all gifts, that is 'God' is my love for him/her.  I suspect that I am often the receiver of these types of 'gifts' in order to enable me to be an empathic and resourceful counselor to those who seek my help. As I go forward on my 'adventure' with Chief, Susie, Breezette, Cassandra, Margaret and of course my dearest and beloved husband, Leo I will have much desire and need to meditate on these current thoughts more.

May 9, 2014

The pain medication is working. Chief right from the get go in the AM is giving me great eye contact and lots of kisses. It's as if I am part of his life again. I suspect that he just hasn't felt all that well over these last several months. If what he is experiencing is similar to what we humans experience when not feeling well, then he needed all his energy to focus on 'him', 'holding 'himself together so to speak'. When this is the priority there is very little time to pay attention or to be open to those around you.
I also decided to 'take a chance' today by letting Chief off leash in the large fenced in area; of course holding my breath that he didn't run too much thus causing himself additional discomfort. He was fine. Ran a little but not too much. Of course he was very happy for this since it has been quite a while since I've allowed him to be in the larger area. I decided to do this throughout the day because early this past AM about 1AM I let him out off leash staying with him to see what he'd do. He had a great time and again did not run too much. I will try this again tomorrow. I always have the backup plan of placing him in the smaller fenced area if he in fact runs too much. So the game plan for now is rather than keep Chief in the smaller fenced in area while I play with Susie and then when Susie is in the house, walk on leash with Chief and also allow him off leash, they will get separate times with me, neither being kept in the smaller area. I'm hoping that this works; 'works' meaning that each can enjoy a high quality of life.I also will continue to ascertain the best times for Chief to be outside off leash. So far 1 AM and 6 AM are 'quality times' for this purpose because it is quiet and very little activity for him to become over-excited.

Pictures of today:

May 8, 2014

Today was much better than yesterday. I am working at formulating an exercise routine that works well for both Chief and Susie. I am also reminding myself often to 'slow down' especially in terms of thinking about the various processes involved in caring for these two at this point in time. Because there are many other aspects of my life that I need and want to attend to it is always a temptation to 'skip' the focused type of thinking process that I am finding I absolutely need to do in order to 'handle well' the frustration, sadness, and irritability I sometimes experience due to the 'reality' of the situation with Chief and Susie.  I also remind myself often that 'patience' with me is of the utmost importance. Patience is the kind of 'thought process and/or action' that we think is a goal we should have towards others, while in fact it needs to be our own goal towards ourselves throughout each and every day. When I am patient with myself I see the others around me in an entirely different light. Rather than seeing entities as those who require my assistance in order to have the quality of life they so deserve, I view them as 'beings' with whom I desire, and choose to engage. I believe that it is also helping me that after yesterday's visit with the Veterinarian we decided that I should give Chief pain relief medication routinely. For the last two weeks I have been evaluating when and how much medication to give him. Each time I believed I had decided what the best dosage was in order to meet what I observed as him having great discomfort, his needs appeared to change. Since he has been on a regular dose I have seen him improve and I have felt as if a 'huge weight' has been lifted from my shoulders. For the past two days he has once again begun to give me eye contact and is definitely 'more present' to me. Yes, a good day, today.

Susie had her Veterinary appointment today. Her change in food, as recommended per the results of the blood test for allergies, is helping her. Won't know for another couple of weeks if she will need allergy shots.
You will see in one of the pictures that the two of them have decided to work at getting together while outside whatever the course. In time I will replace this fencing with 'horse type fencing' so that they can nuzzle together while outside.

Today's pictures:

Today we begin a 'transition' which is not easy, but necessary

I don't know why I thought that in time Chief and Susie would be able to play with each other again. Since Chief's diagnosis of chronic bilateral degenerative joint disease I have been striving to figure out his pain needs, activity needs and last but certainly not least, his 'dog needs'. In particular how we continue to give him time with 'Susie' safely so that he doesn't injure himself. It is so ironic. The last pack of dogs we had at a certain point we had to keep them separate because they would fight with each other. Now we have Susie and Chief who are absolutely 'in love with each other' but due to his recent condition and the passion at which if left to their own devices they exhibit through their play they cannot play with each other. Oh they can swoon each other which they do, but once jumping occurs I have to put a stop to it. Chief is only 2 1/2 and yet has already experienced major 'challenges' due to his urine issue and now this. I thought that once I reached the point of accepting his needs associated with the re-routing of his urine flow operation I could breathe and I felt that a balance once again (homeostasis if you will) returned. Of his two major conditions the DJD is by far the more 'devastating' because it significantly affects his quality of life and that of Susie's. Of course I can say this now since the operation regarding the bladder allowed him to continue to live. And although caring for him  in terms of the amount of laundry needing to be done per day and the many number of times he needs to go out to urinate is physically exhausting for me, this new condition is by far more physically and psychologically draining. I believe this is because I worry if I am adequately addressing his on-going pain needs, that I am providing him with the quality of life he deserves 'as a young, active dog', and that I find ample avenues through Chief and Susie can 'relate' and relate well!
Susie as you can well imagine is going through a tremendously difficult transition. She doesn't understand, nor like the fact that they are separate for play sessions with me. I have become the 'world' to her since the dynamics due to necessity have changed with Chief.

Today's pictures: